Every day we decide who we want to be. Through repetition we develop habits and ways of portraying ourselves in the world.
The different personas that we assume become useful, a way for other personas to recognize us and for us to recognize them.
Those who are inconsistent in the portrayal of themselves are labelled moody, unpredictable, or even mentally ill. Schizophrenia and bipolar disorder are two common labels given to those who don’t appear as the same persona on a regular basis.
Our personalities are an act. In fact, those who have the ability to become someone who they are not are paid great amounts of money to entertain us. Actors such as Meryl Streep are able to become many different characters during a career, and they win awards and are admired by many.
For the rest of us though, it is inconvenient to others if you are constantly switching up who you appear to be.
Some people spend years in therapy trying to figure out who they really are. They feel disingenuous, like no one knows the real them, and if they did they wouldn’t like them.
We are molded from a young age to act a certain way and to behave within the accepted parameters of society.
Big boys don’t cry. Act more ladylike. No one likes a whiner. Be strong, have a stiff upper lip, and get along with others.
Through all of the repetition, some kind of personality emerges. It may be labelled as shy or outgoing, athletic or intellectual, likeable or offensive. We then spend the rest of our lives living up to these labels, carefully donning our masks everyday and playing the role of us.
If you like who you are, then it’s all fine. You don’t even need to be aware that you are an actor in a play, you just go about your business and live your life as you.
You work at the same job, eat the same foods, socialize with the same people and vote for the same political party. You are predictable, dependable, and safe. Others know exactly what they get when you come around.
Others don’t feel as comfortable being confined in this way, or they just don’t like who they are. For the fortunate few who realize that they can break free from the social conditioning and be true to themselves, freedom awaits.
Unfortunately the people around you will probably think you have lost it, or call it a mid-life crisis, or say that they just don’t know you anymore. When you stop acting like you are expected to act, it makes others very uncomfortable.
We like predictability. In a world where nothing is predictable, at least clinging to the idea that the people around you should be a certain way provides some comfort.
When they suddenly change who you expect them to be, it takes away that comfort and makes you feel vulnerable. Then you try to guilt the other person into going back to who they are supposed to be. You do this for yourself; it has nothing to do with them.
Demanding that someone act a certain way is the most selfish thing we can do to each other. Supporting others as they reach to become their authentic selves is being the most wonderful friend someone can have.
It’s best not to judge. We are all trying to find our way in a world that can be difficult to navigate at the best of times. As long as we treat each other the way we wish to be treated, then the metamorphosis of a persona is a beautiful thing to see unfold and reminds us that nothing here is limited, just as nothing is permanent.
We don’t have to be who we are if we don’t want to anymore.