One minute you are sailing along, the routine hum of life carrying you in a familiar sense of sameness, and nothing particularly interesting is going on.
Then something happens and your life changes in a heartbeat.
The phone rings. It’s bad news. Or you get an email. Bad news. Or the boss wants to see you, your spouse wants to talk with you, or the principal from your kid’s school is trying to reach you. Or worst of all, there’s a knock at the door and it’s the police.
Suddenly, the routine security of a normal day is gone.
It’s bad news.
There is a physical reaction that accompanies the intellectual response as you begin to process whatever has happened. Adrenaline flows, making you amped up and ready to run or to fight. You feel queasy, the news settling like a cannonball in the pit of your stomach. The mind races, the heart beats faster, and you may get the chills. Your entire being is under stress.
Now what?
Bad news is like a shock to the system. In the realization that something life changing has happened, we lose control over our senses. The mind careens wildly, the body matches it, and we are powerless to stop any of it.
And that’s okay. In that moment, it’s all okay.
Because out of that moment, the hyper reaction you are feeling is useful. It’s just a matter of allowing it and consciously using the extra energy to do what you need to do.
It won’t be easy to recall any of this if you find yourself in this situation, but if for a moment you can remember to take a deep breath and find your centre, it can make a big difference. By doing that, you are able to remain in the present and begin to deal with whatever is happening from a position of strength.
Sometimes there is lots that you can do, and other times there is nothing. By being present, you will be able to determine what response if any is necessary or helpful.
Get clarity of the situation. Intellectually, it helps to have as much information as you can get. Speculating based on insufficient details can lead to an incorrect action or emotional response. The more you know, the more focused your action will be.
It’s important not to try to stifle what you are feeling. Emotions, especially powerful ones of grief and anger, need to be released and not held in. The body will suffer if these emotions aren’t allowed an outlet. Feel what you are feeling and know that it is okay.
None of us is the same. Whatever your response is to a situation like this, it is the correct one for you. Feel what is going on and be okay with it.
Having support from someone can be a big help. Being able to share how you are feeling with another person makes a difference. It can help ease the responsibility you feel to take care of all of it yourself.
This life is a beautiful miracle. It is also filled with heartbreak and pain. If you are human, then there is no escaping it.
If you couldn’t feel the lows, then you wouldn’t appreciate the highs. It doesn’t make it any easier to deal with pain when it happens, but know that it is part of life.
Bad news sucks. It is a challenge. It can change who you are forever.
And it can be the one thing that is necessary for you as you move through life to help you grow and discover your true self.
Out of the suffering comes strength. Out of the sadness, compassion and gratitude emerge.
From every challenge we face, the lessons are innumerable. You have the resolve within to make it through whatever it is you are facing. Trust that you will come out of it with a new sense of clarity and understanding.
Once you get to the other side, use what you now know to help others who are going through their own hell. It happens to all of us and the best thing to remember is that we don’t have to be alone.