This is kind of a big one, but in terms of something that you can do today to instantly feel better it is perhaps the most important one so far.
Carrying around the energy of the past is very heavy and limits our freedom to live a life of no limits. There is no doubt that terrible things happen to so many of us, and it can be nearly impossible to forgive those who hurt us or treated us poorly. But by beginning to understand what forgiveness really is, we can use it as the ultimate way to free ourselves from the burden of the past.
Everything that has happened to you has led you to this moment. All of the good, all of the bad – all of it has made you who you are. By taking control of what you want that to look like, you reclaim the power to be able to change what isn’t working for you and become all that you want to be.
Action – The act of leaving the past behind and living from this moment will provide you with a source of energy that is limitless. When you carry forward the grievances of past hurts, it is nearly impossible to become all that you are meant to be. Whoever hurt you or wronged you doesn’t need to be given the power to continue to hurt you now.
Forgiveness never implies condoning what happened; it is a gift you give to yourself to move on and let the energy of the past fade away. By reframing the situation as something that helped you learn a valuable lesson, whatever that may be, you can use it in a more positive way. Acceptance and forgiveness are for you, not for anyone else.
Steps – This process can take a long time, but to feel a little better today, try to see things a bit differently. Whatever you have gone through has made you a survivor, and you are strong and capable of taking care of yourself. Accept and appreciate that if nothing else, the hurts of the past have taught you something about how powerful you really are.
If the wounds are still very deep, then for right now just forgive the situation and not the individual person or people who were responsible. Breathe in deeply and as you exhale, say “I forgive what happened to me.” For today, that can be enough.
Why It Makes You Feel Better – If remembering a situation from the past fills you with strong negative emotions and physical sensations in the present, then it is as though it is actually occurring to you all over again. People or situations can hurt you once or over a period of time, but you can hurt yourself for forever by not being able to accept, forgive, and move on now.
Resentment, anger and bitterness are strong emotions that cause the release of stress hormones that the body has to deal with. You never harm someone else by not forgiving them, but you do harm yourself. That is why it is important to find a way to accept and then move forward.
Example – When I am talking with someone and they begin to relay a story from long ago about how something bad happened, I listen and sympathize and then the conversation will naturally turn in a new direction. I never feel the need to add to the story with my own recollections. This just serves to keep the negativity alive.
Life is all about different experiences and about learning and growing. None of us were promised that things were going to be perfect, that we would never experience pain or hardship. Use what has happened in your past to prepare you for a better future. Forgive and release the negative experiences and be okay with who you have become, whether in spite of or because of what you have been through.
The gift of forgiveness is meant to be given by you, for you.