My life takes more twists and turns sometimes than a Quentin Tarantino movie. One minute I think that things have settled down, then suddenly something new happens and nothing is the same anymore.
It’s all my fault though. And it happens probably because I like dealing with a little chaos at all times. I wouldn’t have admitted this a few years ago but now it all seems so obvious to me.
I have left jobs and careers that I loved just because it felt like it was time for a change. I have written about the importance of having something you are running towards as the reason for change instead of running away, but I haven’t taken that advice. That’s why I give It though because I know how difficult it is to do things the other way around.
Maybe it isn’t running away, but I think it is. As soon as I get too comfortable with anything I start to get the itch to move on. Relationships, jobs, where I live – none of it has been spared through the years.
Complacency just isn’t in my nature.
I have left a lot in my wake. Money, people’s feelings, possessions and stability trail behind me as I pick up and move on, sometimes sad as I am doing it but no more able to control it than I could control the wind that blows through the trees.
I guess I am a wanderer. Sometimes I wish things were different. There is safety in stability, in knowing where you are likely to be a year from now, or even six months from now. If you are raising a family then you probably wouldn’t want to live like I do. It wouldn’t be responsible for most people.
Some families do it though, taking the kids with them as they travel the world. That could be a valuable education too, so if it works for you then that’s great. But the one thing I am most thankful for is that I had stability when I was young.
We lived on the same property in two different houses for my entire young life after the age of six. My parents are still there, all these years later. I think because of that stability, I am now okay with living in chaos most of the time.
It is what it is. As I write this, I am considering making another big move. I honestly have no idea where I will be six months from now.
Is this kind of lifestyle for everyone? No. Is it even normal? Not in this society. But it is who I am. The decisions I make today will determine what tomorrow looks like, and maybe I will decide to return to something familiar, to stay put for awhile, and to grow some roots. Or I won’t. Time will tell.
By throwing myself into life and trusting that things will always work out, I have experienced some of the most magical, unexpected delights you could imagine. I have traveled, met famous people, met criminals and fortune tellers and possibly aliens. Not sure about the aliens, but there have been a few people along the way that I have wondered about.
None of my experiences have been dull. None of them have been comfortable either.
Sometimes I wish that I was different, but I’m not. This is who I am. Even as I look to find some stability, I know that my life will always contain an element of the unknown. I have no idea where I will be if I grow old and can’t move around much anymore.
But that’s not for me to worry about right now. I know that wherever it is, I will be okay. That’s enough to keep me happy.