Takes one to know one. Remember that phrase from childhood? I do, and it makes me laugh now when I think about it.
Someone would insult you, something childish like calling you a moron or stupid, and the standard comeback would be, “Takes one to know one!” Or the equally clever, “I know you are but what am I?”
It was genius though. We didn’t even realize what we were doing but it was brilliant.
We were deflecting. Returning something that we didn’t want. Giving back to the giver. Then we would go on with whatever we were doing, hopefully not even giving the comment a second thought.
It is when you allow what is directed at you to enter your inner sanctuary that an identity having nothing to do with reality can become who you think you are. You then project that belief through how you act and what you say, and everyone around you begins to believe it too.
You are who you think you are. The simplicity contained within that one sentence is worth considering for a moment. What else can you be other than who you think you are?
Even in the face of opposing evidence, you continue to be who you think you are. Someone can try to tell you that you are something else but it will have no effect on you unless you allow it to. Then one day you might begin to believe that you are something else, and your behaviours will change accordingly.
It’s quite fascinating actually. It’s like watching videos of people who have multiple personality disorders, who almost appear to change physically before your eyes as each different personality emerges.
Consider the people around you. We all have expectations of how the people close to us should act on a daily basis. If they aren’t acting the way we think they should, we assume that something is wrong. We confine them to certain parameters of behaviour and if those lines are crossed, we become concerned.
The concern can be justified, or it may be an unintentional way of manipulating others to stay a certain way based on our own expectations. If someone we know suddenly changes from being a predictable and steady friend into someone ambitious who begins to accomplish great things, it can leave us feeling less than happy for them.
They broke the rules. We just don’t know them anymore. We aren’t sure we like who they are becoming.
It seems kind of selfish to try to bring someone back into the box we have created for them of how they are allowed to express themselves and live life.
But we always do it with their best interests at heart, don’t we? We encourage them to stay small because they might get hurt if they try something new. They might fail and then we will have to console them. Or, worst of all, they might succeed and then not be the person we need them to be anymore.
Sometimes we use these irrational arguments to limit who we strive to become in our own lives. We don’t want to leave others behind, to step away from all that is familiar and safe and comfortable. If we change who we are, then everything we see around us now might not be there anymore.
It’s scary. It’s frightening enough to stop some of us from moving forward and trying something new. Paralyzed by the fear of leaving the life and the people we know behind, we can make a decision to limit our growth. We stop trying to be something more than who we already are. If those around us are very uncomfortable with any attempts we make to change who we are, that can be enough reason to stop.
But remember, those close to you who try to stop you from changing feel they are doing it in your best interest. They truly believe that it has everything to do with helping you and nothing to do with their own insecurities. Of course it is the reverse that is true.
Consider carefully how much of who you are is a product of the expectations imposed on you by the well-meaning people in your life. Then begin to sort through the stuff that isn’t working for you anymore.
It is your life to live, after all.