The need for security and continuity is real. It’s funny how easy it is to go on autopilot and not think about the actions we perform on a daily basis.
As I spend more time living in the moment, I am acutely aware of how my body takes me through a routine that developed through the years to get me ready for the day ahead. From waking up, going to the gym, showering and dressing, most of the routine is performed with very little conscious thought.
I’m starting to change that.
I am intentionally drying myself when I get out of the shower in a different manner, putting my shoes on with the foot I don’t normally do first, and making breakfast a little differently every day. While these actions seem simple enough, they are assisting me as I move towards a more conscious life.
Why is this even important? For me, it’s a question of facing the impermanence of my life here and waking up to everything that is around me. I don’t want to take any of it for granted.
What has changed the most during the time I’ve spent doing this is the aliveness that I feel from moment to moment. I am quickly aware of what other people are saying and what they actually mean. It’s funny how the two are often very different.
I am also keenly aware of my own intentions as I move through each day. I am more aware of how my emotions and thoughts progress rapidly and carry me somewhere I don’t really want to go. From jealousy to envy to impatience to annoyance, I sometimes get carried along with the current and it is not a productive journey.
By getting out of the routine and becoming aware of the thoughts and of what my body is doing, I have become much more present and peaceful.
I feel that the path to enlightenment unfolds from here.
There are many things that I am happy I don’t have to remember to do in each moment, like breathing. My body is more than capable of performing the tasks that keep me alive. What I want to control, though, are the tasks that create a life.
I don’t want to be a pawn to emotions and reactions that can sweep over me and take me to a place that is not love. By limiting the time I spend filling my existence with social media, regular media, and gossip, I don’t feel as reactive anymore. It’s like I am able to oversee what I am exposed to and then choose how I will react in every moment.
It almost sounds like a big chore but in reality it’s quite entertaining! By becoming a witness to this life and just allowing things and people to be what and who they are, I have invited a sense of peace and freedom into my life that I never felt before.
I wish I had figured this out when I was younger and at the mercy of the ugly thoughts that were a regular part of my life. There was too much worrying about what other people thought of me, or about how I would look in certain situations. I didn’t allow myself the freedom to just live and enjoy each experience for what it was.
The internal narrative was harsh, tortuous at times, and very rarely encouraging.
By letting go of the judge and becoming only the witness, I have begun to minimize the duality that plagued me and now feel more whole. This is the most at peace I have ever felt.
There are still triggers that take me out of the witnessing, and they all revolve around routine. Certain people can quickly draw me back into the unconsciousness and the judge returns, but the big difference now is that I realize what has happened very quickly and can return to the witness immediately.
The benefits are numerous and definitely worth pursuing. Life seems so much more crisp and colourful and vital now that it seems I have been looking through a veil or a fog for many years. This is what waking up feels like.
The realization that what I do is unimportant is my favourite. No matter what task I perform, it really doesn’t matter, and that includes what job I have or career or hobbies. It is the joy I bring to each endeavour that matters.
The sense of freedom is electrifying. I am not immortal, and 100 years from now no one will even know that I existed. There is no mark I will leave on the world that will change this. So while I am here, I plan only to follow my passions and my joy and dwell in ecstasy.
Every sunrise, sunset, bird, animal, mountain, ocean, rock – everything I encounter holds meaning and is to be appreciated. I no longer take any of it for granted.
The search for continuity, routine, and sameness is just an attempt to feel secure and safe, but in reality there is no such thing. Nothing is guaranteed to any of us, and none of us are here for eternity.
Because this life is fragile and limited, the insane attempts to make it solid and enduring are wasted moments misdirecting energy where it doesn’t need to go.
I don’t want any day to feel like the day before. To me, routine is death and that will come soon enough. The amount of time spent here doesn’t matter – it’s the amount of living that we do during that time that counts.
I vow to make every experience count and to value everyone and everything that moves in my sphere of awareness. No more am I satisfied with making a living. I am here to live a life.
Creation flows through me and I dance in the beauty that every moment holds.