I remember back in school having to engage in debates. There was even a debate team that participated in competitions with teachers judging the arguments and then determining which side defended its position the best. They were declared the “winners” and there was a trophy celebration at the end of the year.
What a gargantuan waste of time and energy.
Teaching children how to argue, how to invest thought and emotions into proving that their position is “right” and the other group is “wrong”, all in the guise of learning something, seems so wrong to me now that it infuriates me. It fosters an attitude of close-mindedness, bullying and public shaming. It was, unfortunately, considered an intellectual exercise.
Action – Once you decide that you know something, and you believe it to be true, the ability to see with an open mind is lost. The learning process stops as soon as something is declared as true. What we should actually encourage in our children and in ourselves is the attitude that our beliefs are made with the information that we have at this time. The truth, to the best of our knowledge right now, will not always be our truth at a later date as new evidence is discovered.
The need to be right causes conflict, from arguments within a home to wars on an international stage. Understanding that we all see things in our own unique ways, based on the sum of experiences that life has presented to us, allows us to begin to realize that our personal truth has nothing to do with anyone else’s. Step back and appreciate that if you were raised differently, in a better or worse economic situation or in another country with its own customs that your beliefs and what you think is true might be something else entirely.
Steps – It is impossible to argue with someone else about absolute truths, because no truth exists absolutely. The entire field of quantum physics is based on the premise that the truth will shift based on the expectations of the observer. Experiments are altered depending on who is doing them and what they think they will see. If the ability to change something that should function outside of our control exists, then so does the ability to see a completely different truth or reality than someone else.
We should all be able to agree that personal beliefs and truths vary widely based on circumstances, but we also need to recognize that the motto “do no harm” needs to be at the root of everything. Hurting or endangering others in any way is not okay. Crime, violence, and oppression that happen against anyone cannot be defended under the premise of righteousness. If my personal truth is different from yours, I can still treat you with respect and love.
Why It Makes You Feel Better – When someone you know says something that you don’t agree with, instead of rushing in to point out all of the reasons why they are wrong, try accepting that from their point of view, that is their truth. Just because yours is different doesn’t make the other person wrong. There is a freedom and peace of mind that comes from releasing the need to defend yourself and your personal truths to others.
Example – It’s a reach to say that at this moment we could all become more accepting of each other and live in a spirit of cooperation instead of competition. But on a personal level, you can adopt this approach for yourself and free up all of the energy you use for arguing and trying to make someone else wrong.
It is a sign of strength to be able to live peacefully with the knowledge that anything you believe today isn’t necessarily true, but it is the best conclusion that you can draw with the information that you have right now. Whether it is true or not, we may never know.