I have a confession. I’m not always happy.
Even though I write about the strength of the human spirit, how we can move through life with dignity and grace by accepting the world around us as it is and making ourselves a source of positivity, there are still moments when I can’t get that feeling for myself.
Sometimes I struggle with knowing that I should be doing better but I’m not. And when I feel this way, I’m not happy. I don’t like that.
Then I pivot.
The difference between who I am now and who I used to be is that I notice much more quickly when I am allowing myself to feel small. By becoming aware of it, I am in a position to do something about it, and I do.
I could choose to wallow, because honestly there are a lot of things going on that make it easy to become discouraged and to feel helpless to change anything. If you don’t have a job, or you have one that you hate, or the people around you are miserable and treat you poorly, it can seem impossible to reach for a better space.
But that’s the paradox. It’s all about where the focus of your attention is held.
You may have heard of Elie Wiesel, or perhaps not. Born in Romania in 1928, at the age of 15 he and his family were sent to the Auschwitz concentration camp. His mother died there, as did his youngest sister. His father died after he and Elie were moved to Buchenwald, and young Elie became an orphan.
But he survived. His book, “Night”, is compelling reading. It reinforces the innate ability we possess to survive the worst of atrocities if the spirit is strong enough.
His was strong.
It isn’t a happy story at all, but it is genuinely inspiring. It is difficult to complain about what may or may not be going on in my life when I know that others have shown courage and strength through so much worse.
So I pivot. I don’t think of how much worse things could be, but I do imagine them being much better. I remember that I have the freedom to choose what my life looks like and by making decisions I can get out from wherever I am and get to where I want to go.
There is no time to wallow, because there is much I would like to achieve while I am still able.
Although I am not always happy, I do feel gratitude. That leads me away from the negativity that can creep in and always brings me to a better feeling place. From that new place, I have the ability to find the path that leads me back to the joy I crave.
Distancing yourself from yourself helps immensely. We can get paralyzed in our stories of betrayal, persecution, misfortune and bad luck. We are justified in knowing that what happened or is happening to us is not our fault and we aren’t responsible for any of it.
And as true as this may be, it doesn’t provide any motivation to get away from it. The suffering surrounds you like a blanket, closing you off from the happiness that awaits on the other side of action.
Be mindful of the stories you tell of your life. They are moments in history, or representations that depict where you are right now, but the stories can change. As bad as things are, the narrative can turn into something different.
Wiesel writes of his young self singing songs with two other boys in the camp about the gentle Jordan river. It’s one small memory from many others, but it was a song of survival. The entire story is one of acceptance, of living with what is while looking for ways to make it better.
Don’t read the book “Night” if you are happy in your unhappiness, or if you feel your story justifies your struggle and is what keeps you limited and unable to accomplish great things.
But read it if you are tired of being less than you know you can be.