We are natural judges. It’s not always a bad thing – in fact, we need to be quick to judge as a matter of survival. Walking into a situation and knowing whether you need to run away or run towards it is a good thing. Being able to judge someone quickly and determine if they are friend or foe is a necessity.
But it can also be a huge detriment. Because we have this innate ability to judge, we also use it in ways that have nothing to do with survival. We can look at another person and judge them based on what they are wearing, how they walk, what they look like, or any number of things. We judge whether they are the same as us or different, and if they are different then we may use the judgment to be cruel.
Why do we judge others negatively or unfairly? Usually it is a misguided attempt to make ourselves feel better. Anything that is different from us can be threatening, so we belittle it to reassure ourselves that we are superior. Or it can be used to cover up our own feelings of insecurity by negating someone who we think is better than us.
Whatever it is used for, judgment is mostly unnecessary. It definitely won’t make you feel better about yourself to judge others harshly.
Action – Judging becomes a problem when we are lost in an incessant flow of thoughts. We can be too consumed with labelling and categorizing things and we don’t see how they really are. In becoming more aware of your thoughts, you can at least notice when you are judging something or someone unfairly.
Steps – Decide that you will suspend judgement for a specific amount of time. Believe me, it sounds like it should be easy but it isn’t. Start small and see how it feels. Most likely it will be very uncomfortable.
Take 15 minutes and observe how you react to whatever is going on around you. Notice when you are judging and then see if you can release it completely. See a person, not someone who is beautiful, fat, tall, old, dirty, crazy, or rude. Lose the adjectives and truly see someone as just a person who exists in the same world as you.
Why It Makes You Feel Better – Being present and being mindful are states of consciousness worth working towards. So much of our time is spent judging that we are lost in a sea of thoughts and not truly in the moment. When you focus on the thoughts from a detached perspective, noticing them and then releasing them, you are training your mind to become quiet. This is the most freeing thing you can do.
Example – I’ve been doing this for a long time, and still I catch myself judging. Again, it’s wired into us as a survival mechanism so the goal isn’t to eliminate it entirely. Just become aware of the moments and the types of people and things that make the judgmental triggers go off.
I like to do this when I am walking with lots of people around me. I try to see myself in everyone I encounter and notice the life that is in all of us. By finding similarities, I lose the need to judge differences.
Judgments have a place in our lives, but they don’t need to be used to be cruel and to ridicule. We all have stories, we all have good traits and less than good ones. Release the need to notice in others the ones that don’t meet your approval.